(reading time 3 min)
In 2012 I decided to be an artist. It was a long, winding path that had brought me to that point. I had just been laid off after trying my hand at architecture one more time. And I was relieved.
So with a new conviction, I plunged into this being. At that time, I was able to work creatively when I was in either a particularly good state or a particularly negative state. So I felt either particularly euphoric, optimistic, happy, etc. or I felt sad, resigned, angry, melancholic. In any case, a certain intensity was inherent in my emotional state, which was, so to speak, the fuel for my artistic expression. And these emotional states always found their justification in the outside, in what happened to me or had happened to me at some point.
It was difficult for me to develop a constant way of working, since my desire to create was dependent on external circumstances.
The less extreme range of feelings in the middle offered me little incentive to work artistically out of it. Everything that arose in it I felt to be relatively bland and unambitious.
It felt completely normal and I had not questioned it until then.
What I had questioned, however, was whether it was so good and beneficial for my environment if I gave the art that I created in times when I felt melancholic to angry, out into the world and even sought buyers for it. It took a few years of intense inner work to not only want to avoid my shadow in my art but rather to be able to let the light grow out of it.
When I look back now, it is as if I am missing a piece of memory between the state I just described and the state I feel today as my artistic home. But I know very well how it came about that he entered my life.
He cast his light ahead, the moment D rode his bike up the hill to our first meeting. And he manifested as something new for both of us by becoming first friends and then a couple. From the beginning, there was something different in our shared space than the extremes of first falling in love. It was quiet and it was warm. Often I was confused by it, because what I had known so far had been more of a string of ups and downs. But this quiet, inner ecstasy felt like home. It was intense without being loud, it was full of joy without screaming.
And that is exactly how the place feels from which I bring art into this world today. It IS joy, it IS peace and confidence. I don't need to look for all that before I start my work, it's there as soon as I make the first few brush strokes on the painting surface. Not all the time, but 90% of the time. This state of being is so familiar to me by now that I certainly recognize it.
I am fully aware that my thoughts and feelings weave themselves directly into any artistic work during the process, and carry that energy with them forever. Therefore, I am mindful of what I do, when and how, because my main concern is to support people, spaces and places. I am doing my part to contribute to a new world.
This is my very first blog post! I am extremely happy to receive comments, suggestions and your stories on the topic now and in the future!